Anyone You Can Do, I Can Do Better
by Chibi-Perv
Summary: Competition between Grimmjow and Ichigo gone horribly wrong, or not. PWP, TWT, OOC, but no OCs or Mpreg whatever all those mean. 7,000 words of yaoi Fanfic written by tequila induced roommates. Enjoy!


Anyone You Can Do I Can Do Better

A Bleach one-shot by: Chibi and Sensei

Who are not the owners of Bleach or its characters, cause if we were this would actually happen and Bleach would have no more fans. ^.^

Hope that didn't deter you from reading.

Warning!- This is an alcohol induced fanfiction. And sex. Funny how those two go together.

Grimm x Ichi

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxGrimmIchixxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It all started with a kiss and it went dramatically downhill from there. What started out as a hurricane of passion and curiosity turned into an all out dominance battle royal.

We now find ourselves at the local bar appropriately named "The Screw Driver". Where, for about two hours now, Grimmjow and Ichigo had been throwing back drinks like cavemen do with women. The silence was broken when Ichigo looked up and elegantly slurred,

"I'm better and more experienced!"

There was a drunken pause before Ichigo smiled and added,

"…In bed!"

Grimmjow snorted and concluded that,

"Glasses wearing freaks who like to sew do not count as experience, you retarded strawberry."

"What the fuck you call me! You are just jealous that I get some!"

"Che…yea right." Grimmjow just snickered.

"Whatever, anything you can do I can do better." Ichigo taunted back.

"Yea, but who every you can do I can do better."

Out of the corner of their perif they saw a tall, dark and brown haired man with bedroom eyes. The strangely elegant stranger was casually sipping an Appletini, the drink of the gods.

"There is only one way to settle this boys…" the man's deep voice supplied.

Ichigo stared and wondered how the fuck Aizen got there. Grimmjow very calmly said,

"If I have to fuck you, you are bottom. No way will I let a man sipping an Appletini top me."

Ichigo prayed to all that was holy that that was not the case and decided to ask Aizen for clarification.

"And how would we settle this?"

Aizen gave one of his prize worthy rapist smiles, turned to the bishonen as he casually sipped the last of his Appletini and with hungry half lidded eyes, enlightened them with his brilliant solution.

"Battle royal, boys, a battle royal. A competition that tests who can do anyone better than the other"

Grimmjow thought about it for a second, smiled and freaked Ichigo out further when he casually popped the impregnated silence

"What do you have in mind Master?"

**ROUND ONE: THE TOUCH**

Now Grimmjow was not so stupid to actually think that he could grab Toshiro Hitsugaya's ass outright and not get his ass kicked. Grimmjow may be a hard ass but the 10th division captain was an iceberg that had a temper that put Hitler to shame and prudent enough to make nuns look like sluts. Yes people, he needed a plan and he needed one fast.

Knowing that the overzealous captain would be all too eager to kick some Espada ass and being conveniently in the real world Grimmjow put his plan into place at 6:00pm. Grimmjow would have Toshiro's tight little ass just where he wanted: on the subway.

Using his reiatsu to ensnare the snow cone and the maze of people at rush hour, he had to hand it to the human race over population was a god sent in a situation like this, it was like condoms were never invented, Grimmjow was able to get close enough to the boy to complete his first task. Just thinking about copping a feel of the boy's ass made him giggle in glee as he entered the rear entrance of the train. _Damn I'm good, but for some reason I feel a bad pun coming on._

Gliding his way towards the Captain, Grimmjow waited for the most opportune time to win his bet. Grimmjow was distracted by the tan hand that suddenly jetted through the hole in his body.

_Damn that kind of tickles._ Was the only thing going through his head as Ichigo's hand continued its path towards the 5'2 lean boy's tight perky ass while simultaneously whispering "One point for me" huskily in Grimmjow's ear.

Just as quickly as that cursed tan hand, which was so tantalizingly fun to play with, came it was gone along with its owner. Leaving one very pissed off Popsicle and one very worried Espada to be burnt by the hot ice lashing our little Captain let loose upon him. And thus Grimmjow learned how a seemingly small block of ice could bring down a ship.

Conclusion: Ichigo1- Grimmjow 0

**ROUND TWO: THE KISS**

When Ichigo learned that the next task was to kiss the stony 6th division Captain Byakuya Kuchiki, the first thing that went through his head was that this would be a walk in the park. He had already beaten the petal wielding captain once; a kiss would be a preverbal piece of cake. Ironically enough he found the Captain in a park, gazing long fully at the pink blossoms he secretly loved so much. Letting the stage set itself Ichigo meandered toward Byakuya with a flurry of petals to guide his path. Byakuya looked up, his dark eyes veiled by lush lashes and whispered

"Kurosaki…"

Ichigo sashayed his way over to the picturesque Captain hiding a victorious and lust filled smile under smoldering eyes and let the romantic atmosphere and authority wielding Captain dominate the situation. Ichigo knew that Byakuya longed to let loose and hand the rains of authority over to the only man to beat him. Ichigo leaned forward enough to feel the breath from the parted lips of one of the most feared men in all of Soul Society. The innocent touching of lips quickly turned into hair tugging, rouge hands and punctuated nips. Byakuya was the first to retreat for more air due to the orange hair Shinigami stealing his breath (like always). The quietness of the once romantic setting was shattered when Ichigo pulled away licking his lips and murmuring,

"Umm…cherry."

In the distance Grimmjow heard the resounding slap that followed Ichigo's eloquent observation and concluded that messing with one of the 13 protection squad captains was more than he wanted. His competitive nature even ran in fear from not only the memory of a 5'2 avalanche of anger that was set loose upon him by the 10th Captain but also the sharp pricks of distaste in the air that the 6th Captain let loose upon the death berry.

"Seriously, Ichigo needs to learn that silence is golden." Grimmjow muttered as he walked away to find Aizen for his next task and concocted a new and interesting way to best the retarded strawberry.

Conclusion: Ichigo 2- Grimmjow 0

**ROUND THREE: THE MOAN**

Ichigo will admit that this newest task was a bit of a turn off. I mean making your gentle giant of a best friend moan was a bit awkward. Never the less Ichigo was determined and quite confident in this seduction technique. Seduction techniques that were as blunt as a rock and as elegant as a rhino in full charge.

Ichigo cornered Chad on the roof of their school

"So, Chad" Ichigo suavely started "we've known each other for a long time now."

Chad began to noticeably shift in discomfort; Ichigo took this for a sign that Chad was intimidated by his hotness.

"I know it will be difficult to admit," The dumb strawberry continued "but if you want to confess you undying devotion towards me now and kiss me I will fully understand."

Chad started to sweat and stuttered "Kon?"

Ichigo was taken aback, "No Chad it's me, Ichigo, the one who you promised to watch each other's back with. I will fully understand if you want to do more than watch now!" Ichigo finished with his most seductive smile he could conger at that moment. Who knew that thinking of Chad in a sexual way was like trying to enjoy the taste of bile in your mouth.

"Kon, you shouldn't use Ichigo's body in such ways." Chad deadpanned.

And with that he walked off leaving Ichigo staring dumbfounded at the void of nothingness in front of him that used to look a lot like Chad.

"WHAT?!" He yelled, "He didn't want me?" Ichigo crossed his arms and tapped his foot angrily, "Damn it, I totally thought that I would win this round!"

Grimmjow found his chance after Chad got out of school.

"Yo, Little John." Grimm greeted the giant.

"Grimmjow…" was the monotone response.

"Oh good you know me. Hey big guy you like chocolate?"

Chad in fact loved chocolate. A secret he tried to desperately keep to himself. Grimmjow saw the tall, dark skinned boy think it over and smiled…bingo.

"You want some?"

Now Chad knew it was fundamentally wrong to accept candy from strangers, especially strangers who were sadistic bastards with a shit eating grin.

"I have different kinds." Grimm teased "White, dark, milk, raspberry, coffee, Mexican…"

Chad made an audible noise that seemed to come from the back of his throat.

"Oh! We have a winner! Here ya go big boy!"

Chad cautiously took the chocolate and bit into it. He made a light, low moan of pleasure as he rolled the chocolate in his mouth. Grimmjow laughed.

"Thanks man, you let me get one step closer to Ichi's special pocket." With that Grimm disappeared and Chad proceeded to choke on his beloved chocolate, worrying about what danger he had let loose upon best friend and tantalizing fantasy if only he was gay.

Conclusion: Ichigo 2- Grimmjow 1

**ROUND FOUR: THE BEGGING FOR IT**

Ichigo casually let himself into the Quincy's flat. He was given a key to the place due to his frequent visits that were not always so brief or innocent. He found the four eyed sewing freak at his…wait for it…I said wait for it…sewing machine. That's right, sewing machine what did you think I was going to say, at target practice? Really now get an imagination. He sauntered his way over to the archer and gently started to rub the tension from his narrow shoulders, followed by warmly pressing his lips to the exposed white neck.

"Not today Shinigami" Ishida warned.

The warning went out the window much like Ichigo's common sense when sex was involved. Ichigo rubbed his hands up and down Ishida's arms and kissed the juncture between his neck and shoulder.

"I mean it Kurosaki. I am not in the mood, I have a headache and all I want to do is sew." Ishida finished his bitch fest with a well placed back hand to the strawberry's packaged goods.

"Talk about cock blocked." Grimmjow stated as he meandered through the open door. He surveyed the room with his eyes and grabbed the nearest plushy item.

"I think I'll tear this up."

"No!!! Not my Ichi-muffin!!!" Ishida wailed from his sewing machine.

_Ichi-muffin?_ The two slightly sane men left in the room thought. Grimmjow then decided to actually inspect what the hell he picked up to entice a response like that from the freaky bastard. In his hands was a remarkably to scale (An: shout out to the alpha seme! Bitches!) mandarin haired version of Ichigo shrouded in black.

"Oi, you even got the scowl down! Wonder if it's atomically correct?" Grimm commented.

"Please not the mandarin button, please don't hurt him! I'll do anything!" Ishida begged.

"See that begging Berryhead?" Grimm smiled "I hope you were taking notes."

Conclusion: Grimm 2- Ichigo 2

**ROUND FIVE: THE EXCITEMENT**

_What the fuck?!_ Ichigo thought for the thousandth time. Granted he had, on occasion, found the hat and clog wearing shop owner alluring, but that was only on the rare occasion. To actually have to arouse the man was a little… well, gross. Ichigo let his competitive spirit take over his better judgment as he made his way over to Urahara's shop. _No one can ignore my super special awesome seduction action!_ Ichigo mentally gave himself a pep talk. Choosing to ignore how his "awesome" techniques had failed him in the past.

"Ah! Kurosaki! What can I do for you this fine day?" Urahara smiled his fan waving as he saw Ichigo walk up.

"Actually Kisuke," Ichigo bluntly started batting his eyelashes, "I have a pain I think only you can fix." Ichigo thought he would go for the blunt approach. He wanted quick action and the clock had already started ticking.

"Really now Ichigo? And what would that be?" the coy man asked fan displayed in front of his face.

"My body burns and aches," Ichigo started drawing closer, "And you keep surfacing in my mind. I can't seem to concentrate." Ichigo reached out to lower the fan from Urahara's face. "I thought that if anybody would know what was wrong, it would be you."

With that Ichigo pressed his hips to the older man and pushed his lips flat against Urahara's.

Unsurprising to Ichigo (because he thought himself a walking wet dream) Urahara responded right away. Not only right away, but quite forcibly as well. He quickly forced Ichigo up against the nearest wall and thoroughly ravished his mouth. After about a minute of this Ichigo decided Urahara was not getting happy enough fast enough. Effortlessly exchanging their position Ichigo kneeled in front of Urahara. He thought he saw a flash out of the corner of his eye but he ignored it as he grabbed the zipper to Urahara's pants with his teeth. The shop owner let out an excited giggle, which only made Ichigo's stomach turn like a washing machine. _I should have slipped him a Viagra first_ thought Ichigo as the zipper reached the bottom. As long as he didn't have to actually taste Urahara's salty lollypop he was cool. Instead he took the remaining 30 seconds it took to kiss the exposed stomach right above his boxer line.

Ichigo checked the clock, two minutes and 30 seconds. Not bad for an over 100 year old spirit. At seeing Urahara's number one seller present its erect self, he tried to quickly get up and runaway. The ex-captain, however, had other pans.

"Where do you think you are going my Strawberry Princess?" Urahara smirked.

Two hours and four stitches latter Ichigo limped out of the shop. Wondering how a wheelbarrow, a tool used for gardening, could be used against the human body in such away.

He met Grimm back at The Screw Driver to compare times. Ichigo clenched his teeth as he set down at the table. He tried his best to grin triumphantly at the teal haired Espada.

"Two minutes and 30 seconds!" he proudly stated.

"One minute." Grimm deadpanned.

Ichigo's mouth dropped.

"And 26 pictures." Grimmjow added. With that Grimmjow let a stack of pictures spread out on to the table. The pictures captured the highlights of Urahara's and Ichigo's pervious activities in perfect color rectangles.

"What?!?" Ichigo stuttered.

"All I did was show him these, he giggled like the turd burglar he is and bam! Hello Mr. Little Hat and Clogs!" Grimmjow smirked and leaned in to Ichigo, "You must have made quite an impression, I can't wait."

Conclusion: Grimmjow: 3 Ichigo: 2

**Round 6: The Fingering**

Ichigo was glad that this next challenge did not put his ass in danger. It still hurt from the man who insisted on wearing stupid hats and dysfunctional shoes. Really if he wanted to be taller and have his feet hurt all day he could just wear high heels like normal psychotic women. Getting back to his point, everyone knew that one who got fingered was the uke and Ulquiorra would be uttering more words then he did in a month while riding his skilled, slender but long fingers. All Ichigo had to do was catch the man off guard and dive in for the kill, and he had the most ingenious plan. For everyone knew that the classic methods were always the most simple and effective.

"Have you ever had your oil changed?" Ichigo asked instead of greeting Ulquiorra.

Not only was Ulquiorra perplexed by a long list of faults in this scene, some of them being the appearance of Ichigo in Hueco Mundo, Ichigo's bright hair, why Ichigo was asking him about oil changes when he didn't have a car, and just Ichigo in general perplexed Ulquiorra.

"What do you mean by oil change?"

"You mean you've never had one? Man, are you missing out!" Ichigo mocked excitement.

"No I've never had one."

"Then why don't I show you?" Ichigo offered over the smoldering eyes he aimed at the horn boy.

Worried about the look in the Shinigami's eyes Ulquiorra was about to back out of his room and leave the orange man where he stood. However, his pride, curiosity and ego lead him to stay and figure out what this said "oil change" was so he could perfect it and use it against Grimmjow.

"Fine. What is an oil change?" Ulquiorra asked trying, and succeeding to keep all interest, or any other emotion for that matter, out of his voice.

"It's better and more effective if I show you instead of tell you." Ichigo said with all authority on the matter.

"…Che." Was his reply.

"Great! First off, you are wearing for too many clothes."

"What do my clothes have to do with anything?"

"Everything…Now shut up and bend over."

"Huh…" Ulquiorra eloquently answered.

Ichigo quickly unsheathed his… Zanpakuto (you were thinking dirty weren't you. Naughty, naughty readers…just wait a bit…Ne?) And cut off Ulquiorra's clothes. He could have been nice and used the zipper but Ichigo has had bad experiences with zippers lately and thought that if he was going to rape the 4th Espada with his fingers all niceness should be thrown out the window.

With in seconds Ichigo had Ulquiorra naked, confused and in the right position. Just as Grimmjow portled in front of the two.

"Grimmjow…" Ulquiorra called out hoping that his secret rival (cough, love, cough) would come to his rescue.

The OOC outburst stopped Ichigo's menstruations just long enough to allow Grimmjow to reach through the gaping hole in the 4th Espada's chest; it was a space that seemed like only Grimmjow could fill. Effectively saving Ulquiorra's ass from rape-age and clinch his win by knocking out the Death Berry.

As Ulquiorra gazed upon his savior's face, Grimmjow just chuckled.

"What are you laughing at?" inquired the still naked 4th Espada.

"Does it tickle?" Grimmjow questioned.

"Does what tickle?" Seriously, was everyone speaking in riddles today?

"Having your hole fingered?"

Seemingly this statement not only woke up the blush hidden in our lovely horn boys face but the Death Berry as well.

"That's fucking cheating Butt Pirate!!" Ichigo yelled.

"Aizen never said what hole, Retard! I win!"

Aizen, holes, fingers, winning? When did Ulquiorra ever become so out of the loop? Was it because some drunken bitches decided to meddle with his thoughts or was it finally time to acquiesce that he gazes at Aizen and Grimmjow to much? Whatever it was it could wait, for Grimmjow was still close to him and Ulquiorra felt a shiver rack through his body. Man, was love cold.

"So does it tickle?"

"Wha…?" Ulquiorra's vocal skills seemed to escape him a lot these days.

"My hand in your hollow hole? Does it tickle?"

"Oh…yes, it does."

Conclusion: Grimmjow 4- Ichigo 2

**Round Seven: The Fuck**

Grimmjow entered Soul Society with a note and a picture. The note simply said:

Round Seven:

Fuck 2nd Division Captain Soi Fon

Love,

Aizen ^.^

The picture was of a fair skinned woman with an A-line bob and a massive scowl that could make that little fucker Tosen piss, shit and cry all at once. All and all Grimmjow liked the women. One thing though, she was a woman.

"What the fuck was Aizen thinking? This is yaoi! There are no women in yaoi. No climax, no resolution, no meaning. Well maybe a climax. Scratch that when he wins (that's right there is no "if") there will definitely be a climax… or many (wink, wink)!"

Coming upon his target Grimmjow tried to find the balls to approach the scary captain. Within ear shot of her rant Grimmjow decided that he left his balls with Ulquiorra in Hueco Mundo.

"Fuck this, she's a dike and an obsessed one at that. I feel sorry for whoever this Yoruichi woman is."

Minutes later Ichigo showed up with all the humility in the world. So, in other words, Ichigo had his balls on a silver platter.

"Don't shoot I bring gifts!" Ichigo announced his arrival.

He was promptly lead to a magnificent room, scratch that, it was a temple! A shrine! The Tajua Mahal could not be compared to this.

"What did you bring?" Did Hell just freeze over?

"Pictures!" Ichigo all but squealed out.

"Of…" The scowl Princess demanded.

"Yoruichi…naked."

Soi Fon glared and was ready to pounce on the perverted Shinigami who dared to cross on her turf.

"How did you get them?"

"Training, cats, hot springs episode, I don't know!"

Ichigo did not know until today that he could say all that in one breath and in the span of 1.3 seconds. That Soi Fon did wonders when it came to testing ones limits.

"What do you want?"

_What? She was taking the bait! Well here goes nothing!_

"I will give you the pictures if you sign a letter saying that I thoroughly fucked you."

"…The negatives too."

"Wha…?"

"I'll do it if you give me the negatives as well."

Ichigo returned to the real world a new man. Not only did he face furry herself but apparently had ravished the women within an inch of her life. So much so that she had considered, for a moment, to pick up the life of a straight cucumber worshiping woman. At least that what the note said. Let's just say Soi Fon liked the pictures, a lot.

A stunned Grimmjow could only wonder how he did it and curiosity got the best of him as he all but verbally vomited,

"Did her vagina bite your penis off?"

Conclusion: Grimmjow 4- Ichigo 3

**Round Eight: The Win**

Grimmjow was fed up with Aizen's challenges. So far he had gotten his ass beaten by a 5'2 ice cold midget, watched Ichigo get cut up by pink petals, have a man make sounds that should only be heard in the throes of passion simply from an ancient south American confection, have a sewing freak on his hands and knees crying over a doll, excited an old man faster than Viagra ever could with some simple picture, molested his quiet yet slightly slow comrade, and feared for his balls simply from hearing a woman's voice. And through all this, Grimmjow had not gotten laid once. No blow jobs, kiss, or even an innocent fucking hand job. It was time to take matters into his own hands and no he was not talking about the hard on he was sporting right now. Masturbating was only for pussies, in his opinion.

So we find out sexually frustrated competitor stalking through the night, the full moon was high in the sky. It was a Thursday, winds 2 mph, NE. Temperature a perfect 69°F. Grimmjow was perched on a windowsill…who's windowsill…Ichigo's windowsill. The full moon lit up Ichigo's bed like a neon sign points the way into a strip club or in his situation Grimmjow's glory hole

_Now that's an odd comforter. Where have I seen that blue cross before…that fucking possessive archer needs to know that staking claim on someone is only a seme's job. I have to fix that, maybe get one with a big ass 6 on it…on second thought that would require energy and sewing skills so maybe not._

Just then there was movement under the covers and what looked like a pitched tent holding up some of Ichigo's bedding.

"Chibichi, I said not tonight." Ichigo said.

_Chibichi, like little Ichi? That's creative._ Grimmjow thought as he eavesdropped on the one sided conversation Ichigo was currently having with his penis.

"I know you're frustrated but what can I do? It's not like I can just drag Grimmjow into a dark corner and demand to be taken 36 ways. He has his pride to consider."

"…" Was the only response he got.

"Ishida is a different story. I fuck him and the only testosterone he gets is from swallowing or free basting his ass with my sperm."

Grimmjow was shocked. When did Ichigo become so…deviant and he wanted to be fucked by Grimm. Well that made everything peachy. Although Ichigo talking to his penis was a little frightening, Grimmjow was not as rude as most would think and decided to let his little Berry finish his heart to heart with his penis.

"No I'm not touching you."

"…" Again was the only response.

"That's mean and right now it's not true because I'm not touching you…dick head."

"Humph…I'm not talking to you anymore unless you apologize…I don't care if you are in pain. You went too far how dare. you call Grimmjow a pussy… in bed!"

Upon hearing this Grimmjow decided that this chat was over and it was about time he got his booty. He wasn't called a butt pirate for nothing.

"Wow Ichigo, I didn't know you were masochistic."

"WHAT THE FUCK MAN!" Ichigo stated standing on his bed to look Grimmjow in the eye.

Grimm looked him up and down and asked, "Don't you feel a breeze?"

Ichigo then looked down to see that he was naked and his "Chibichi" waving affectionately at the Espada in the wind.

"I can help you with that."

"Well what do you have in mind?" Ichigo was trying to remember his seduction techniques but nothing was coming to mind, everything was going to his head.

"Well I'm imagining a dark lit place, your place or my place?"

Ichigo replied with one word, "Sisters."

"My place it is." Grimm tried to keep the girlish glee locked up as he thought about the sweet supple strawberry desert he was gonna have tonight with his home made wipe cream if you know what I mean.

Faster than you can say "chocolate covered banana" a portal to Hueco Mundo appeared. (Try it. See what happens).

Ichigo casually stepped into the darkness ready for anything. So you must admit he was quite startled to hear a clap and than a light flooding his sensitive eyes.

_A clap on…wait is that a leopard print bed spread? And a plushy of me?_

"Sorry I wasn't expecting company." Grimmjow deadpanned as he shuffled , wait Grimmjow is to cool to shuffle…he glided to his bed capturing the Ichigo plushy, that he pilfered off of Ishida and the pictures from round five and placed them in to a box under his bed. Where all good porn is stored.

"Now where were we?" Grimmjow asked as he inched closer to Ichigo.

"I thought you were imaging a dark lit place?"

"Will I need light to see what I'm doing. By the way you are fairly calm and collected to be in a strangers room, still naked and with a hard on."

Ichigo decided he had had enough of people making fun of his (or lack thereof) common sense. So he decided that, as Grimm had pointed out, he was naked, hard, and willing. So he put Grimmjow's mouth to better use. Ichigo quickly closed the gap between him and the teal haired Espada and crushed their lips together. Grimm laughed and leaned in to the kiss, "Eager are we?" he teased biting down on Ichigo's lower lip.

"Shut up you blueberry and prove to me that you are the sex god you fancy yourself to be."

Grimm, never one to let a challenge down skillfully guided the boy to the bed, while still attached to Ichigo's lips. They unceremoniously collapsed on to the bed, Grimm pinning Ichigo with his body. Grimm pulled himself off the eager substitute Shinigami and hovered above him. He observed the orange haired young man and for the first time thanked that creepy medaling bastard of a boss.

"You just going to stare at me you voyeur?" Ichigo teased.

"Just taking in my spoils." Grimm smiled back before reattaching himself to Ichigo's neck. Grimm felt Ichigo's hands push under his Arrancar jacket and he moved his shoulders so the young man could easily pull it off. Grimm leaned back down to kiss the strawberry as their now bear chest connected. Ichigo hissed enjoying the contact. Grimm smiled at the over sensitive boy. The Espada started his descent downward spreading feather light kisses all over Ichigo's chest. As Grimm made his move toward Chibichi, Big Ichigo reach out and lifted Grimm's head up. Grimm looked up not amused as Ichigo said with amazing clarity, "Um, excuse me Grimmjow. But do you intend to fuck me with your pants on?" Ichigo asked in mock seriousness.

Grimm was slightly annoyed at the fact that his mouth was so tantalizingly close to Ichigo's cash and prizes and yet he still had the frame of mind to ask a coherent question.

"Don't worry Shinigami I still have to fuck you 36 ways, so just sit back, relax and enjoy the ride."

Ichigo was about to throw a hissy fit about privacy laws and that Grimm should of done something about Chibichi earlier instead of listen to his "private" conversation. However, Grimm decided to strap Ichigo in for his "ride" with the leopard handcuffs decorating his headboard before Ichigo let loose his rant.

_There fuzzy_ was the only thought that made it through Ichigo's head before he found out in real time that the jaw bone on Grimm's face did not inhibit his mouth…at all.

Grimmjow was enjoying being nose deep in orange curls._ So he is a natural fire crotch after all_ working his mouth against the side of Chibichi, Grimm could think of nothing but wanting to know if Ichigo could be as loud in bed as he was on the battle field. There was a reason Grimm left him alive so many times.

Grimm grazed his teeth along Ichigo's manhood and hummed in amusement at the noises the usually vocal Shinigami was trying so hard to keep in. Grimm was determined now more than ever to best the death berry and have him moaning. Grasping the bottle of lube from his pants, which were still on by the way, there was a reason why he didn't take them off. He coated his fingers and promptly glided one to Ichigo's natural pocket. Which did the trick of getting the Shinigami to not only moan/scream (yes that can happen I think, just go with it) but also using those long slender legs of his to bring Grimm closer and closer to deep throating him.

With the pressure from Ichigo's legs Grimm's lower back arched into the bed. He lifted his head and after giving the head a quick tongue swirl he smirked at the groaning Ichigo. "Why so sensitive?" He teased.

"Get your pants off you fucker." Ichigo breathed out. Grimmjow chuckled and swopped (yes swopped) back to the aid of Ichigo's member. He quickly deep throated the young orange haired Shinigami swallowing him as the teen's heels dug into his back.

Grimm soon added a second finger along with nibbling Chibichi. He could feel Ichigo start to tense and pant.

"Damn, shit, damn, fuck, harder!" Ichigo's ranting was putting sailors/truckers to shame as the masochist in him was let loose with every nip, jab, and scrape.

Grimm deciding that:

His jaw was beginning to hurt and,

If Ichigo dug his heels into his back, causing Grimm's "gato" (yes his penis had a name) to nuzzle against the bed anymore he was going to burst…and not with laughter.

He needed to be enjoying himself as much as Ichigo seemed to be. So, Grimm pressed a third finger in to Ichigo's slowly filling glory hole. Ichigo shuddered under him, the stimulation making him loose complete control. Grimm started to move his fingers, in and out along with scissoring the hole. He pushed his slender fingers in deeper and heard the Shinigami gasp.

"Grimm, do that again" the Shinigami almost pleaded.

Grimm deciding that he had been down there long enough pressed Ichigo's prostate¹ while simultaneously deep throating him (yes he was just that talented) made Ichigo let loose his load. The 4th of July fireworks came early as he closed his eyelids in rapture. Grimm licked his lips "Could give a guy some warning berry head" Grimm teased finally kicking off his pants, releasing "Gato". He crawled up the length of Ichigo's body muscles still spazing from his orgasm.

"Hey…if I told you that you taste like strawberries would you smack me?" Grimm asked while nuzzling his head against Ichigo's neck.

The comment immediately dragged Ichigo out of the hormone induced stupor he was in.

"It's a good thing I'm still handcuffed."

"You sure know how to ruin the mood that I tried so hard to create. Really teens these days are so unappreciative."

Ichigo contemplated his situation and assessed that he needed his pride back and Grimm in him stat.

"I'm sorry. Why don't you let me show my appreciation then?" Ichigo purred into Grimm's ear.

"How?"

"Well sense you've done all the work so far let me take the rains and have that ride you promised me."

"Do you need your hands for what you have in mind because I really like the thought of you being handcuffed."

"Sure, the Screwdriver needs no hands."

"Just don't say look "ma no hands" and I will be fine." Grimm scoffed while undoing the handcuffs from the headboard but still left them on Ichigo's slender wrists.

"We'll see who's screaming for their mommy." Ichigo whispered to no one in particular.

"What was that?" Grimm asked as he pulled Ichigo into his arms and attached his mouth to the dusty bull's eye on Ichigo's chest also known as a nipple, areola, nub, etc.

Fighting off the haze that was clouding his eyes and trying to close the metaphorical window his common sense seemed to always fly out of, Ichigo pressed his palms against Grimm's hard chiseled pecs and gently pushed him onto his back.

"Just lie down and let me enjoy you." Ichigo instructed.

_Damn when he wants to be seductive he doesn't hold back_. Grimm thought with glee at the opportunity to have a dominate uke who could take charge. Don't get him wrong he loved bitch slapping and dominating Ulquiorra but sometimes Grimm just wanted to take a break from all the work.

Speaking of work, Ichigo was trying to work on petting all of Grimm's "Gato" with his ass at the moment. It's not that Ichigo was never an uke it's just that he had never had anything, not even his trusty vibrators, as big as Grimm inside of him. So practically impaling himself on Gato so fast was not the best idea, but the most pleasurable in Ichigo's mind.

Seeing that Ichigo was in either pain or bliss Grimm didn't know which one at the moment. For he was surrounded by heavenly heat that would put all the layers of hell to shame (An: we should know, were going there…hell not a man's ass. We don't have the proper equipment for that!) Grimm's hands crept towards Ichigo's hips to help support the boy. Once Ichigo was as ready as his patience would let him (you try being patient while a dick is up your ass. Go ahead try it I dare you.) With the help of the Arrancar's massively talented and protective hands encouraging his hips to move Ichigo rose off of Grimm only to piston himself back down. Grimm wheezed at the pleasure he was trying to contain and the feeling of Ichigo's full weight upon his midsection. Ichigo and Grimm quickly picked up the pace one rising as the other one plummeted, clashing in the middle working together, for once. Getting into the rhythm, Ichigo allowed himself to take his cuffed hands off of the glistening chest of the man under him and leaned back. This new angle allowed Gato to fully attack Ichigo's prostate head on. Grimm could only gaze upon the man in glory. He had seen the Shinigami sweating from battle, the summer heat, his morning work outs, but none were as tantalizingly delectable as the glistening sheen that coated HIS Death Berry at the moment. Head thrown back, mouth open, eyes locked onto Grimm's, bouncing on Gato and moaning a mixture of gods and Grimmjows, had Grimmjow almost cumming, almost. Wanting to touch Ichigo more and using a tip the freak Nnoitra told him about, Grimm placed three fingers into Ichigo's agape mouth to suck on. That did the trick in getting the man to simultaneously moan and pick up the pace to a frantic or inhuman, if you will, speed. In a matter of minutes and some well timed strokes of Chibichi, Ichigo hit the peak of pleasure orgasming hard onto Grimm's hand, and almost everywhere else in the vicinity of the man. The sight, sound and feeling of Ichigo's orgasm had Grimm throwing away his convection to not cum until the second round and unleashed his pride and joy, cumming deep within the recesses of Ichigo's ass.

The berry could no longer stay upright (bouncing was hard work) and promptly plopped down next to Grimmjow in order to rest. In his opinion they were still too hot and sticky to cuddle.

Grimm making sure Ichigo was alright reached over the side of his bed getting a towel, a piece of paper and a pen.

As he started to wipe Ichigo and himself off Ichigo spotted the piece of paper and pen.

"What's that?" Ichigo inquired while he rested his head upon the Arrancar's lap.

"It's a list." Grimm answered.

"Of?" Ichigo questioned. Sure he was dazed after sex but not brain dead.

"Of the 36 ways I'm going to fuck you. We just did "The Screwdriver" so now only 35 more to go!" Grimmjow was ecstatic with his impressive list and the prospect of more of the man in his lap.

"I think I will be able to fuck you till Sunday!" Grimmjow announced.

"But it's only Tuesday!" Ichigo paled. "Let me see that!" he demanded.

"Ok…I think we'll need more supplies."

Fuck to Do

Screwdriver

Wheelbarrow

Shuriken

Pile driver

Remote control

Golden pheasant stands on one leg

Doggie style

Rocking chair

Fair lady works the shuttle

The planter

The warrior

Prison inmate

Childs pose

The cobra

Single whip

The plank

The workout

Fireman's carry

The bicycle

69

Single twist

Press and push

Santa's little helper

Reach around

Downward dog

Cop and robber

The hammer

Rim job

Tree hugger

The vacuum

Oh mommy

The Gemini

Pineapple upside down cake

The angel

Double axel

Missionary

Not far off yonder Aizen was comfortably sitting on his ego sized throne with an Appletini in one hand and a cigarette in the other. His shit eating grin still firmly in place.

"I'm glad I decided to help them in their endeavors, I get free porn and that little kitten off my back for a while. Speaking of time, they have been going at it for a while. It's a good thing men can't get pregnant. I'm for traditional families but I'm against mpreg. Children always ruin things, much like OCs. I mean come the fuck on it's your world/imagination but please you aren't that magnificent to make up people out of thin air. You're not god or me. And another thing, have you ever stuttered during sex or in an actual conversation? I haven't. Well that's not a good comparison cuz I'm fucking awesome but still how do you read stutter?! And another thing…!"

Amidst Aizen's rant Ichimaru had made an appearance at the doorway.

"That's quite a rant Aizen" Gin fox smiled.

"Oh please Gin! It's fanfiction for a reason! And now I've been ranting by myself for who knows how long, while I've been watching the best fucking porn I have ever seen , and now!" Aizen almost shouted "Elvis, the king of cocks" Aizen pointed to his penis, "is ready to rock and I'm just sitting here!"

"Well sir." Gin smirked walking closer. "I'm sure I can think of something."

Aizen grinned, "We can play who's in my mouth."

Ichimaru concluded with, "As long as Halibel doesn't play."

"Boys only it is then, I wonder where Ulquiorra is?"

Meanwhile back on the farm.

"Grimm." Ichigo moaned (seems he has been doing that a lot recently) "find my clothes."

"Why are you worrying about clothes?" Grimm muttered. He was currently sprawled across Ichigo, head resting in the crock of his neck (there last position was good old missionary).

"While I have thoroughly enjoyed our time together, I do need to get home, and for that I need clothes, and I can't move, because of you, so you have to dress me."

Grimm did not move.

"You know berry, a guy can get use to this." Grimm kissed Ichigo's thoroughly marked neck.

"You know we are suppose to be on opposite sides right?"

Grimm looked up to meet the eyes of a suddenly serious Shinigami. He paused for a second then he smiled leaning back to his spot at our favorite berries neck.

"You know berry, there are a multitude of ways to persuade me… to your side that is."

"You would seriously switch sides?" Ichigo asked, trying and failing to keep the eagerness out of his voice.

"At his point berry I would follow your sweet ass anywhere."

So in conclusion our dear readers Grimmjow may have won the battle, but Ichigo won the war.

3 bottles of lube $25

1 doctors visit due to dehydration $50

New bed frame and wall patches $200

Making your sex god of an enemy switch sides: Priceless

There's some things money can't buy, for everything else there's fanfiction.

The End

prostate¹- Did you know the male prostate is actually a little gland connected to the ejaculatory duct that makes semen (which natural have a base pH) become more acidic. It's so they can survive in a vagina? Did you? 'Cause its true. Weird ha?


End file.
